April 16, 2012: Someone I admire. CWE 200

I admire a friend. This person is unfailingly kind. This is rare. I do not know one other person who has this quality. I do not have it. I am simply unable, at this point in my life, to always look for the good, especially when the bad is smacking you across the face with an open hand. But she wants to see the good and because she’s looking for it, I believe that goodness shows up for her more often. And because I am consumed with the bad, guess who shows up for me? This isn’t to say she doesn’t have bad days. Of course she does. But her bad day will not become your bad day. While she hasn’t articulated this, I think she believes that you attract what you dwell on. She is strong. She can look for the good in you, you can show her the bad, and she will understand that this badness is likely something you did, not someone you are. I am quick to assume it’s who you are, likely because this is what I believe about myself. I am a combination of all the bad choices I ever made. And so are you. And that is a shitty way to go through life. She feels little to no need to internalize anyone’s problems. She can look at a person, identify their challenges, have compassion for them, and move on. No need to take in someone’s struggles and make them your own. That is such a bad plan because A. It’s not your problem and you can’t change it even if you want to and B. internalizing someone else’s problem makes the situation about you. And that’s silly and selfish and, I believe, weak and easy. You can’t be of help to anyone, should they want help, if you are now in distress. She also feels no need to lie. Not even white lies. This is unimaginable to me. I don’t know anyone, truly no one, who doesn’t tell white lies. I didn’t think such people exist. She is devoted to her craft. This I love. She has a love affair with her craft. I aspire to this. A love affair with one’s craft is a love affair with one’s self. She is also very generous and enjoys brightening people’s days with small notes or gifts. This is lovely, but the life she models is the biggest gift. I believe that she is in a zen place that I would love to get to. I think it will take me many years, but now I have a model. My hope is that one day I will evolve into the kind of person that she is so that I can support the people who are like the current me.

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2 thoughts on “April 16, 2012: Someone I admire. CWE 200

  1. That is inspiring. How often do we get so caught up in the negative. How often do we make everything about us. The best part is the judging. Well I might be….. but at least I’m not like them. Taking another Tolle book discussion on The Power of Now this summer. Haven’t read it yet but enjoyed A New Earth. I buy it but I wish I owned it.
    Hang in there.

    • kar: i very much see you as someone who is always working on yourself, and i love this about you. i’m always consumed by it, too, so i recognize it in others and appreciate people who fight the good fight and wish to be more and better…not more pretty or better financially…but more and better to themselves and accordingly, to the world. i really do hope i’m like this person one day because i would love to help someone as she has helped me. i would feel very completed, my life would feel meaningful. xo

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