Please let me go. Give a good sneeze then and send me off. I’m making you miserable, you’re making me miserable. Neither one of us is so bad on our own. Together, we’re just no good. Without me, you’ll get up in the morning with a clear head. You won’t be dizzy. Your knees won’t wobble and you won’t fall into walls. You won’t be exhausted by the time you make it to the bathroom. The toilet will not seem like a good place to take a nap. Your nose will ripen into the peach it’s meant to be instead of the blistered cherry I’ve dropped in its place. The skin across your face will not pull tight like the skin of a drum. Your nose will not burn when you wiggle it, your eyes will not tear, and sneezes will not knock the wind out of you. Let me go, and I will float away in the snap of the winter air. You’ll have to hand over the NyQuil…but it will be worth it. We’ll both be happier in the end. Pinky swear.