January 11, 2012: Character’s internal dialogue. CWE 101

I know I shouldn’t say it to her directly. That’s why I’m saying it to you.  She came in late again.  She was late three times last week and she came in late today.  She had this snippy attitude like the queen herself had arrived.  She throws off the other kids, and they all look at me like I’m supposed to do something.  They know it’s not fair and they are correct.  It’s not fair.  When my Joe was in school, teachers expected him to follow the rules and do what the rest of the kids were doing.  They weren’t worried about how he was different or why he was different.  And the kids want to know why Leslie gets away with this.  They’re looking at me for answers and what am I supposed to say?  “Leslie’s special, guys.  She gets different things than the rest of you because she’s special.”  These kids know better. They are a smart group, and they know it’s a load of shit.  If I let her think she’s special, she will never know the truth.  There was this teacher who told me that Joe thought he was above the rules.  He never followed directions with the rest of the class.  She’d tell the kids to sit down and take out their books and Joe would still be in the coat closet.  She was so mean to him. He cried all the time.  I didn’t put up a Christmas tree this year.  Bill brought up the boxes of decorations and the first box had Joe’s baby ball in it.  I told Bill to tape it shut and take all the boxes back downstairs.  I put a wreath on the door and that was it.  I hate Christmas.  I hate Halloween and I hate October.  Everyone else has their kids and I’ll never have all my kids with me.  I won’t get to see Joe get married or have babies or do anything.  Every year I make sugar cookies with green sprinkles on Christmas Eve and I throw them out.  Right in the garbage can.  You can’t eat cookies in the ground.  He was always in trouble with that teacher.  She called him Joey, which wasn’t even his name.  “Joey never pays attention in class, Mrs. Dower.”  I hate to think he ran off the road because he wasn’t paying attention.  I’ll never forgive him if he wasn’t paying attention.  He has left me with such a mess. 

So fine, I won’t call her that again.  It was for your ears only, but that’s fine.  I don’t know how helpful it is to pretend she isn’t acting like a bitch when she is.  People need to hear the truth so they can change and there’s nothing I want more than to see these kids grow up to be adults who contribute to society.  They should understand responsibility and how important it is to pay attention.

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3 thoughts on “January 11, 2012: Character’s internal dialogue. CWE 101

  1. Wow. Love how you build suspense with what happened to Joe. I had to wonder if he was dead, in prison or just some other kind of a screw up. I can see a bitter woman throwing green sprinkle cookies in the trash. I love that you make me feel the bitterness – and almost enjoy it.

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